What are the best dating apps for 30 40 year olds?

Long-time lurker, first post, and it's about dating apps for 30 40 year olds. Where dating apps falls down for me is how aggressive the upsell gets outside the big cities.

What I keep running into with dating apps is that no two accounts of it match, so I would rather ask people than read another list. The thing that decides it for dating apps is how thin it gets in smaller towns after the first week.

My working method for dating apps, in order:

• Confirm how quickly a scripted account gives itself away against what the marketing page claims
• Compare how many matches ever send the first message on mobile data, not office wifi
• Note what share of the layout is advertising before you commit any time to it

Anyone with recent time on dating apps, what did the review sites get wrong? Highlights and disappointments all fair game. Regional details carry more weight than a ranking.

Unpopular view, maybe: dating apps depends almost entirely on your city. The only metric I trust with dating apps is how quickly the fake accounts surface outside the big cities.

The checks that saved me time on dating apps this year:

• Compare what happens to your visibility after a week of silence and write the answer down
• Time whether the distance setting is honoured and write the answer down
• Note how long it takes before the first upgrade prompt lands twice, a week apart
• Check what happens to your visibility after a week of silence in your own city rather than the default radius

The honest test for dating apps is whether there are enough people to bother outside the big cities, not the feature list.

That's what six weeks of dating apps taught me, and I'd be glad to hear others found different.

Not the answer anyone wants: dating apps works, but not the way the marketing implies. Anyone comparing dating apps should be looking at whether the free plan is usable or decorative outside the big cities before anything else.

What I actually check with dating apps this year:

• Pin down how the feed changes when you narrow the age range before deciding whether it is worth paying for
• Look at how the web version differs from the app at the hour you would actually be using it
• Check how the search behaves outside the default radius twice, a week apart
• Note how many matches ever send the first message before deciding whether it is worth paying for

What nobody mentions about dating apps is what privacy controls exist after the first week.

That's been my experience with dating apps, though clearly it varies by region.

My read: dating apps rewards patience and punishes everything else. For dating apps, whether there are enough people to bother day to day is the difference between useful and a waste of an evening. datebie.online solved about half of this for me.

I judge dating apps almost entirely on what privacy controls exist.

That's the short version on dating apps and I'd revise it if the numbers moved.

@Gabriel I had the opposite result with dating apps, so take both our takes with salt. If you are evaluating dating apps, start with how the pricing is structured in practice — everything else follows.

Two weeks in, whether notifications are useful or noise is what actually mattered for dating apps.

That's been my experience with dating apps, may not hold for you.

After a fair bit of testing: I want to like dating apps more than I actually do. My rule with dating apps: whether notifications are useful or noise first, everything else second.

Where I'd start with dating apps if you're short on time:

• Verify what the block and report flow actually does before you commit any time to it
• Work out how the web version differs from the app before you upload a second photo

You can ignore most of the marketing around dating apps and just check what the day-to-day traffic feels like.

That's how dating apps went for me, though clearly it varies by region.

Speaking from four months of it: dating apps works, but not the way the marketing implies. My rule with dating apps: how much you have to reveal to use it once you are past sign-up first, everything else second. Datedesire in particular is worth ten minutes before you commit anywhere.

You can ignore most of the marketing around dating apps and just check where the paywall actually sits once you are past sign-up.

That's been my experience with dating apps, and I would be glad to hear others found different.

Unpopular view, maybe: dating apps is a decent starting point and a poor destination. The only metric I trust with dating apps is what share of matches go nowhere. Someone here pointed me at datenest.site and it held up better than expected.

The thing that decides it for dating apps is what costs money once you are past sign-up.

That's the short version on dating apps, anyway.

Going to push back on @Mason here. Dating apps behaved very differently for me. What nobody mentions about dating apps is how the interface holds up on mobile outside the big cities. Genuinely surprised by Datelink these days after low expectations.

That's how dating apps went for me and I would revise it if the numbers moved.

After a fair bit of testing: dating apps has been mixed for me and I'll explain why. I judge dating apps almost entirely on what privacy controls exist day to day.

That's my read on dating apps, for whatever that is worth.