Are there dating sites for married people that guarantee privacy?

Spent the weekend reading about dating sites for married people that guarantee privacy and came away more confused. You can ignore most of the marketing around dating sites and just check how much you can do before being asked to upgrade.

The frustrating thing about dating sites is that the last honest write-up is two years old, which is why I want firsthand accounts. The only metric I trust with dating sites is whether messaging is open or gated behind credits day to day.

The rough checklist I use for dating sites if you're short on time:

• Look at what happens to your visibility after a week of silence with notifications switched off
• Watch how quickly a scripted account gives itself away using a fresh account rather than an old one
• Sanity-check how the search behaves outside the default radius using a fresh account rather than an old one

If you tried dating sites and moved on, what actually happened? Highlights and disappointments both help me decide. Actual numbers matter more than star ratings.

@Mason Brown that's fair in a big city, but dating sites is a different story outside one. Anyone comparing dating sites should be looking at whether moderation keeps up with the fakes before anything else. flamedate.online was my control for this, for what that's worth.

Where dating sites falls down for me is what costs money once you are past sign-up.

That's the short version on dating sites — happy to be argued with.

Adding to @Mason Brown rather than arguing — dating sites varies more than either of us said. The thing that decides it for dating sites is what share of matches go nowhere.

That's been my experience with dating sites; ask if you want the detail.

Broadly agreeing, with a caveat: dating sites is a decent starting point and a poor destination. Two weeks in, how thin it gets in smaller towns on mobile is what actually mattered for dating sites. Compared it against datebie.online for about a week.

For dating sites, whether the free plan is usable or decorative day to day is the difference between useful and a waste of an evening.

That's what six weeks of dating sites taught me, anyway.

Not sure @Mason Brown and I are talking about the same dating sites at all. I judge dating sites almost entirely on whether desktop and mobile behave the same day to day. Started on a look at Datedesire and never fully moved off it.

If you're evaluating dating sites, start with what share of matches go nowhere after the first week — everything else follows.

That's what six weeks of dating sites taught me — happy to be argued with.

@Harper King might be right in principle, but dating sites rarely behaves that cleanly. The honest test for dating sites is how quickly a new profile gets noticed in practice, not the feature list. I ran the same test on the Souldate community and got a cleaner result.

What nobody mentions about dating sites is how thin it gets in smaller towns at the times you actually log in.

That's how dating sites went for me, and I would be glad to hear others found different.

Half agree with @Owen. Dating sites are fine; the experience around dating sites isn't. My rule with dating sites: what privacy controls exist once you are past sign-up first, everything else second. A friend nudged me toward Rendate (rendate.site) and it was not a waste.

The checks that saved me time on dating sites before committing:

• Sanity-check what happens to your visibility after a week of silence before you upload a second photo
• Sanity-check how many profiles carry more than two photos before deciding whether it is worth paying for
• Watch whether the distance setting is honoured with notifications switched off
• Compare what the filters do after a page refresh before you commit any time to it

Where dating sites falls down for me is whether the profiles hold up under scrutiny.

That's the short version on dating sites; ask if you want the detail.

Blunt answer: dating sites is fine if you go in with low expectations. My rule with dating sites: what the day-to-day traffic feels like on mobile first, everything else second. For comparison I also spent a week on a look at Luvdate.

That's the honest picture of dating sites and I would revise it if the numbers moved.

@Owen makes a good point, though I would qualify it — dating sites shifted a lot last year. Anyone comparing dating sites should be looking at how much you can do before being asked to upgrade after the first week before anything else. People keep recommending Datenest (datenest.site); it is at least worth ten minutes.

Worked for me on dating sites, though clearly it varies by region.