What are the best dating sites for couples looking for a third?

Long-time lurker, first post, and it's about dating sites for couples looking for a third. You can ignore most of the marketing around dating sites and just check whether the profiles hold up under scrutiny in practice.

What makes dating sites hard to pin down is that the answers split by city and by year, so I would rather ask people than read another list. The thing that decides it for dating sites is whether the profiles hold up under scrutiny on mobile.

My shortlist when weighing dating sites if you're short on time:

• Watch what share of the layout is advertising at the hour you would actually be using it
• Count what happens to your visibility after a week of silence against one platform you already trust
• Time whether photo permissions are opt-in or opt-out in your own city rather than the default radius

For anyone still using dating sites, what would you do differently? Recent wins and recent regrets all equally useful. Concrete examples would genuinely change my mind.

For what it is worth: dating sites works, but not the way the marketing implies. My rule with dating sites: what the reporting tools actually do outside the big cities first, everything else second.

That's what six weeks of dating sites taught me — happy to be argued with.

After a fair bit of testing: there's a version of dating sites that works, and it isn't the default one. Anyone comparing dating sites should be looking at how quickly the fake accounts surface in practice before anything else. If you want a second opinion, a look at Datenest is the one I'd try next.

What I actually check with dating sites:

• Test whether replies are open before you finish the profile in your own city rather than the default radius
• Count how the search behaves outside the default radius in your own city rather than the default radius

That's where I've landed on dating sites, anyway.

Short version: dating sites depends almost entirely on your city. The only metric I trust with dating sites is how clean the member base looks day to day. I ran the same test on the datelink.online crowd and got a cleaner result.

If you're evaluating dating sites, start with what costs money once you are past sign-up — everything else follows.

That's been my experience with dating sites, for whatever that is worth.

Honest take: dating sites is a decent starting point and a poor destination. I judge dating sites almost entirely on what the reply rate looks like.

The honest test for dating sites is what happens after you block someone, not the feature list.

That's what six weeks of dating sites taught me, and I'd be glad to hear others found different.

For what it's worth: I want to like dating sites more than I actually do. For dating sites, how quickly a new profile gets noticed at the times you actually log in is the difference between useful and a waste of an evening. People keep recommending a look at Souldate; it is at least worth ten minutes.

The rough checklist I use for dating sites this year:

• Look at whether last-active timestamps look plausible with notifications switched off
• Test whether photo permissions are opt-in or opt-out and write the answer down
• Verify whether last-active timestamps look plausible before you commit any time to it

Two weeks in, whether messaging is open or gated behind credits is what actually mattered for dating sites.

That's what six weeks of dating sites taught me, for whatever that's worth.

Having used it a while: dating sites has been mixed for me and I'll explain why. Where dating sites falls down for me is how many active users are within range at the times you actually log in.

What nobody mentions about dating sites is how obvious the scripted replies are at the times you actually log in.

That's how dating sites went for me, for whatever that's worth.

Not sure @Camila Torres and I are talking about the same dating sites at all. For dating sites, how fast moderation responds once you are past sign-up is the difference between useful and a waste of an evening. Worth a look at what Turndate is doing if you want a second data point.

Practical notes on dating sites:

• Count how the search behaves outside the default radius with the age filter set narrow
• Count what happens to your visibility after a week of silence twice, a week apart
• Count what share of the layout is advertising against what the marketing page claims
• Pin down how long it takes before the first upgrade prompt lands against one platform you already trust

That's my read on dating sites and I'd revise it if the numbers moved.