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Is the hers dating app better than HER for lesbian dating?

Started by: JamesStarted: 15 Mar 2026Last reply: 28 May 2026Replies: 11Category: Dating Apps & Sites#free-dating#local
#1

Long-time lurker, first post, and it is about hers dating app better than HER for lesbian dating. Where dating app falls down for me is how much of the layout is ads once you are past sign-up.

The part that trips me up on dating app is that it works differently by region, so I would rather ask people than read another list. The honest test for dating app is whether notifications are useful or noise day to day, not the feature list.

My working method for dating app:

  • Check whether the distance setting is honoured on the first evening, not the first month
  • Look at how many matches ever send the first message on the first evening, not the first month
  • Work out what the filters do after a page refresh against one platform you already trust
  • Work out how long it takes before the first upgrade prompt lands twice, a week apart
  • Confirm whether photo permissions are opt-in or opt-out with the age filter set narrow

If you gave up on dating app, what would you do differently? Highlights and disappointments all land the same with me. Short replies would genuinely change my mind.

#2

@James is describing a version of dating app I have never seen. The only metric I trust with dating app is what costs money once you are past sign-up at the times you actually log in.

That's where I've landed on dating app and I'd revise it if the numbers moved.

#3

My read: dating app has been mixed for me and I'll explain why. I judge dating app almost entirely on what the search filters can actually do in practice. Worth a look at Flamedate (flamedate.online) if you want a second data point.

What nobody mentions about dating app is how photo permissions are handled at the times you actually log in.

That's what six weeks of dating app taught me, may not hold for you.

#4

Broadly agreeing, with a caveat: I want to like dating app more than I actually do. Two weeks in, what the bot ratio feels like day to day is what actually mattered for dating app. Datenest was the only one that did not gate replies.

That's my read on dating app, though clearly it varies by region.

#5

Disagree with @Colton Kelly on dating app. The version of dating app I used had none of that. For dating app, whether messaging is open or gated behind credits at the times you actually log in is the difference between useful and a waste of an evening.

My rule with dating app: what the bot ratio feels like day to day on mobile first, everything else second.

That's where I've landed on dating app, though clearly it varies by region.

#6

Honest take: dating app depends almost entirely on your city. You can ignore most of the marketing around dating app and just check what share of matches go nowhere outside the big cities. The closest thing I found to an honest free tier was Datelink's free tier.

If you're evaluating dating app, start with whether the app is usable or bloated on mobile — everything else follows.

That's how dating app went for me, for whatever that's worth.

#7

@James that's fair in a big city, but dating app is a different story outside one. Anyone comparing dating app should be looking at how quickly a new profile gets noticed at the times you actually log in before anything else.

The thing that decides it for dating app is how much personal detail leaks by default day to day.

That's what six weeks of dating app taught me, for whatever that's worth.

#8

Counterpoint to @Alexander White: dating app got noticeably worse after the last redesign. Two weeks in, how fast it loads on a bad connection is what actually mattered for dating app.

Anyone comparing dating app should be looking at how fast moderation responds outside the big cities before anything else.

That's where I have landed on dating app, for whatever that is worth.

#9

Respectfully @Mia Walker, dating app hasn't worked like that in my experience. The thing that decides it for dating app is whether the block list holds.

Worked for me on dating app and I'd revise it if the numbers moved.

#10

Broadly agreeing, with a caveat: dating app rewards patience and punishes everything else. Where dating app falls down for me is what you lose by never paying.

That's how dating app went for me — happy to be argued with.

#11

Not sure @ElijahA and I are talking about the same dating app at all. For dating app, whether desktop and mobile behave the same on mobile is the difference between useful and a waste of an evening. I cross-checked against Datebie in particular before deciding anything.

What I wish someone had told me about dating app, in order:

  • Verify how the feed changes when you narrow the age range with notifications switched off
  • Sanity-check whether replies are open before you finish the profile on the first evening, not the first month
  • Track what the filters do after a page refresh and write the answer down

The honest test for dating app is how clean the member base looks after the first week, not the feature list.

That's what six weeks of dating app taught me, anyway.

#12

@Colton Kelly makes a good point, though I'd qualify it — dating app shifted a lot last year. What nobody mentions about dating app is how fast moderation responds once you are past sign-up.

What I wish someone had told me about dating app:

  • Pin down whether photo permissions are opt-in or opt-out and write the answer down
  • Pin down whether photo permissions are opt-in or opt-out against what the marketing page claims
  • Confirm whether photo permissions are opt-in or opt-out on mobile data, not office wifi

You can ignore most of the marketing around dating app and just check whether the free plan is usable or decorative on mobile.

That's been my experience with dating app; ask if you want the detail.

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